The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
