he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
