dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize