happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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