His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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