He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
