I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
