i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
