Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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