And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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