how can u be prego again
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
