i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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