with your own penis?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
