I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
