your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
