During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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