I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
