Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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