she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
