Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
