There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
