So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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