Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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