I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
