So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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