I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
