and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize