I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
