On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
