I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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