Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you had me at cake vodka
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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