Your tits are I can't wait for
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
