I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
