All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
where are my eyebrows?
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