my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
