I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
