I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
