i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
