When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
