Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize