the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
