Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
