This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we made out on top of his cat.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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