I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
