You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
