I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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