Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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