This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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