Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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