you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
