Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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