8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
