My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No subtext here. People are naked.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
