I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
