my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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