Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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