I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
