I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
