i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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