My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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