Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
