I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
