Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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