It's like a parade of train wrecks.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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