Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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