You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
