Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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