I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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