This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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